Still alive, dudes! I know that if there were an International Blog Police Force, I would be a wanted fugitive from justice. This winter as a whole has had an incredibly lethargic effect on my higher brain functions; I wake up and go to work for a bit every day, and occasionally vague memories swim to the fore, like...a goat full of beer, or something? I must really be losing my mind. Anyway, I hired a creative consultant to whom I plan to devolve the duties of thinking of insightful things to say, inserting dick jokes where appropriate, and proofreading. Score!
To get on to the actual writing, permit me to share with you a list of ways in which I troll my kids. You know, for international exchange. Here they are:
-Whenever I pass out worksheets, I tell them to get pumped and dance/flip out at the front of the classroom. ...I usually only do this when I'm teaching by myself.
-Sometimes my kids repeat things I say in a goofy voice; when they do, I like to amplify that effect over repeated iterations until I just start making loud, unintelligible noises. One of my fifth-grade classes find this so hilarious that they've begun to ask me to repeat every sentence in a Yogi Bear-like fashion. Everything. (That one might've backfired on me.)
-Occasionally, when a student comes up to me to get an answer sheet, or if I pick up something they've dropped off the ground, I rock-paper-scissors them for it. If they lose, I tell them goodbye and turn away from them, wait just long enough until they turn to their friends in bewilderment, then give them the contested item.
-Whenever at least one boy and girl are taking a little too long of a break from the task at hand, or are being disruptive, I politely ask them to please stop flirting so much. (Middle schoolers love this.)
To get on to the actual writing, permit me to share with you a list of ways in which I troll my kids. You know, for international exchange. Here they are:
-Whenever I pass out worksheets, I tell them to get pumped and dance/flip out at the front of the classroom. ...I usually only do this when I'm teaching by myself.
-Sometimes my kids repeat things I say in a goofy voice; when they do, I like to amplify that effect over repeated iterations until I just start making loud, unintelligible noises. One of my fifth-grade classes find this so hilarious that they've begun to ask me to repeat every sentence in a Yogi Bear-like fashion. Everything. (That one might've backfired on me.)
-Occasionally, when a student comes up to me to get an answer sheet, or if I pick up something they've dropped off the ground, I rock-paper-scissors them for it. If they lose, I tell them goodbye and turn away from them, wait just long enough until they turn to their friends in bewilderment, then give them the contested item.
-Whenever at least one boy and girl are taking a little too long of a break from the task at hand, or are being disruptive, I politely ask them to please stop flirting so much. (Middle schoolers love this.)
-The girls are absolutely smitten with One Direction. One day, they asked me if I know about them. I respond by singing a bit from one of their songs, and they duly flip a shit. Then, I took off my glasses in dramatic fashion and asked, "So do I look like them?" But here, I was counter-trolled with a cogent "NO" spoken in unison. These kids can get sassy.
-When my kids see me around town, it's usually with Amanda and Carly. Additionally, whenever a young foreign guy and girl are seen together, they are automatically assumed to be dating if not married with children. However, seeing one guy and two girls confuses my kids. They ask, "Which one is your girlfriend?" To which I always, always respond with, "Both of them are." Some kids get it; other kids fall into an almost crestfallen silence, as if thinking, "I don't know what's right anymore." But the winner is the one kid who, after I told him that I don't, in fact, have two girlfriends, turned to his buddy behind him and muttered fiercely, "I told you he wasn't a player!"
NEXT TIME: Whoa dudes whoaaa don't box me in to talking about next time yet. I've got some ideas cooking; maybe something about how, once again, I'm trying my as hard as I can to fit in at my middle school, or maybe something about hanging out more with my teachers. Probably that second one. Worse comes to worst, I'll make a haiku entirely out of cuss words.
-When my kids see me around town, it's usually with Amanda and Carly. Additionally, whenever a young foreign guy and girl are seen together, they are automatically assumed to be dating if not married with children. However, seeing one guy and two girls confuses my kids. They ask, "Which one is your girlfriend?" To which I always, always respond with, "Both of them are." Some kids get it; other kids fall into an almost crestfallen silence, as if thinking, "I don't know what's right anymore." But the winner is the one kid who, after I told him that I don't, in fact, have two girlfriends, turned to his buddy behind him and muttered fiercely, "I told you he wasn't a player!"
NEXT TIME: Whoa dudes whoaaa don't box me in to talking about next time yet. I've got some ideas cooking; maybe something about how, once again, I'm trying my as hard as I can to fit in at my middle school, or maybe something about hanging out more with my teachers. Probably that second one. Worse comes to worst, I'll make a haiku entirely out of cuss words.
